"Treatment" Begins

So tonight brought my first Intensive Outpatient Treatment. It was a unique experience.  I was the only one there by my own will.  Everyone else was court mandated.  The topic was about family.  I understand what he was trying to do.  He wants us to understand what the family members of an addict are going through.  The the guy leading the group definitely got his point across.  There were quite a few things that were enlightening to me. He talked about how they can build up resentment towards the addict.  That made sense.  It's their money that is being used to help us, as addicts, get treatment.  That is their hard-earned money that they probably had other plans for.  I can understand if resentment is built. He talked about a lack of trust.  Also, understandable.  Why should they trust us? We are the ones that let the down to begin with.  We are the ones who put ourselves into this position and then asked for their help. They talked about unrealistic expectations. Someone who isn't an addict often expects us to "just say no" or to just walk away.  It isn't that easy for us though and it is now our place to understand that they are not, or have not been in, our position.  We need to help explain to them the difficulties that we face.  There must be communication.

I think, for me, the only difficult part about the whole meeting was that the other people there didn't seem to be there for the same reasons as me.  The topic of family kept getting changed to the court system.  "This is what they did to me."  "How do they expect me to get better when they do this?" Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to seem like I am judging those that were there.  Some of them may be there for the right reasons and it was clouded by those who spoke constantly of our court system.  I am not speaking about everyone that is there. And I do not want to seem like I am making false accusations.  It's merely y observation of how it felt for me.  It was a bit overbearing at moments.

Maybe tomorrows meeting will be better.  I also have my first appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow morning.  That's at 7:45 am. I am really hoping that I can do more than just quit drinking.  I want to be able to get to the root of the problem.  Why am I an alcoholic? If I can somehow figure that out, them maybe it will help me from drinking again.

I am hopeful.