Where to begin...
So I finally went back to the shrink today. I was supposed to go on the first, but they changed it to today. I got there at about 3:15 this afternoon and got home at about 6:30 tonight. Long story short, they kept my anti-anxiety the same, increased my anti-anxiety medication and added some sleep medicine. (The sleep medicine also doubles as anxiety medicine.) I explained to them that I have had zero motivation to do anything lately...no desire to do anything, to go anywhere, or hell...just to get out of the bed. So I am praying that all of these new medicine really work and get me back to normal.
Mentally-wise, I think I'm doing ok. My head is so clear from the lack of alcohol, that I think a lot lately. There has been so much thinking! It's actually a good thing because I feel like I may actually be able to work through some things that I need to work through, but at the same it's really weird to actually be thinking about all of the things that I've been trying to avoid for so long. There are things that I have been through that I haven't ever really worked out in my head and I'm actually having to go back through those moments. I'm almost reliving the stuff that happened. The emotions an the memories of it all. It's pretty intense, but I think that it will be a good thing in the long run. Hopefully. The shrink is going to help me get set up with some therapy. Through that, I will really have to work through everything. That should be interesting. I'm actually nervous to have to really talk about some of this stuff with someone. I don't usually talk about these things ever...with anyone. So I don't know how this will go. But, I'm a little excited to get through it. Maybe get it over with for good. We'll see.
I'm working now. It's just part time, but it is at least an income. So I'm also pretty excited about that. I've only worked 2 days so far, but I really enjoyed it and the guys that I work with are pretty awesome. They have a full-time position available and I am hoping to get that. I would really love to get hired on full time with this company. And it isn't a bar! Thank God!
I am 75 days sober now. I haven't been to AA in a while...(no motivation)...so I haven't gone and picked up my 2 month chip yet, but I'm going to hopefully go on Friday. I'm still going to group on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights. It's going pretty well. Last Thursday, we watched a movie and paused to discuss parts of it. It was 28 Days Later with Sandra Bullock. I have seen this movie in the past, but watching it this time was different. It definitely hit close to home this time. There were quite a few parts that were really difficult to watch. I really got in my feelings that night. Other than that, we've had some pretty good discussions. We've had some really frustrating ones as well. That's life, though, I guess. I've met some really cool people in group and I'm sure that I will remain in touch with some of them when it is all said and done. Tomorrow, I will go and test. It should be my 5th and final clean drug screen. Then I can start working towards this thing that they call after-care. I don't really know what all is involved with after-care, but we'll see. I'm kind of thinking about skipping it. I do feel like I have come a long way in 75 days, so I don't really want to continue going, but that will be up to my counselor. He will, ultimately, be the one who decided if I need continued care or not.
So I guess that's my update. Crazy and intense emotions. Medicines. Work. You know...all of the things in life that make a person feel crazy.
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