Chip Number One

So today as of now, my last drink was 10 days and 6 hours ago.  Today brought new struggles.  I woke up with a headache, which has actually been a daily thing lately.  Then I went to work.  It was definitely a little smoother than I thought it would be.  I was so afraid that I would get stressed out or that I would have a bad day and that I would want to get off work and go drink.  Now don't get me wrong, I have had quite a few moments today where I wanted a drink, but I didn't give in.  I spent the afternoon spoiling my puppy.  I got her nails done and bought her a toothbrush and some toothpaste. I know that sounds really boring, but I kind of enjoyed the normalcy of it.

Then I went to my first, official, full AA meeting.  I got my first chip and I almost cried when I received it.  I really felt like I had accomplished something.  Sure, it's just a 24 hour chip, but it's a start.  And right now, my only goal is progress.  Our meeting split into 2 groups.  The beginners and the veterans.  I went with the beginners, obviously.  Listening to everyone share their stories and their feelings was amazing.  They are feeling the same things that I am.  Not every story was one that I could relate to, but there were so many.  I even shared my own feelings.  I was so nervous to be so honest in front of a bunch of strangers, but...for the first time in a while...I didn't feel like I was being judged.  The things that I am going through, they are going through too. I didn't feel alone. Even though I don't know these people, and I can't remember their names, I felt like I was surrounded by friends.  It was nice.

I left there and had to stop by my old bar.  Not for the reasons you are thinking!  I had to pick up something for a project that I'm working on with a friend.  I refused to step foot into the building.  I just stayed on the patio and talked to a bunch of my friends.  I told them.  I told them about what I had been going through and what I had been feeling.  They were all so proud and happy for me. Some of them have have even been sober, themselves, for years.  I didn't feel judged there either.  I showed them my chip and I talked about my plans.  It was nice.  And even though I wanted a drink while I was there, I didn't have one.  I was even offered a shot and declined it.  I felt really strong today.

Now, I know that it is a daily struggle, and while today seemed easy, tomorrow may not.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.  I am hopefully.  And that is a feeling that I haven't really experienced in a while.

I'm going to try and find another meeting to go to tomorrow night.  I'm going to try and go to as many meetings as I can until I get my outpatient program going.

So today was a win.  Tomorrow is a new day.